Today is the 27th November 2009 . And i'm gonna blog whatever i have to blog, not all, but maybe 90% of them because my phone is piling up lotsa photos .

Yesterday in school, Nathan ordered a weird drink . Make a guess what drink is it in by looking at the following picture .

Isn't it nice ? But it tasted gross . It's actually Yakult or Vitagen ( Grape flavor ) with orange juice on the top . Lol . Yeah, smelt nice with the sweet grape smell but tasted like spoilt orange juice .

Then the other day, few of us caught Nathan's candid shots which is like quite rare case .

Those are shots which he tried to delete but too bad the phone is mine . Lol .

But of cause, i got my candid shot too .

That's for school . Last Saturday went Zouk with SGClub members and it was so crowded ! As if the world is squeezing into the dance floor .

I like the locker tag, it glows in the dark .

Saw that, just this picture above . How many pairs of hands can you count ? And that's just one part of the club . Lol, cause my phone camera is not wide enough to capture all .

So i played and gotta work right, if not where does the money come from ? Under my pillow ?

How many butterflies can you see ? =)

A newly hatched butterfly drying its wings .

Pupa - ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss .

And a butterfly resting .

And resting . . .

My favourite pet of all - the iguana . Her spine is broken because of some cruel Singaporean who tried to smuggle it in and kept as a pet without license . Poor iguana . I always sayang it and she loves it . =)

Oh and giant millipedes that i always have to catch .

Went to Dragonfly last night with Koh Jin . I gotta say, it's much more fun to club with him . Though sometimes i have to be alone and dance alone, but at least, no stranger guys come near me, and his guy friends don't dance with me either . Only Koh Jin and his girlfriends will dance with me sexay-ly .

Michelle and me .

Yeah, i wasn't high but it was just a little fun times .

What am i doing ?

Check it out ! I'm reading my 'hand'book ! And that's Charissa .

Charissa is very nice to me, though our age gap is hugeeeeeeee .

Performer .

Same performer .

Koh Jin and me .

Erm, my face is retard .

Koh Jin, me and Danyael .

Drinks, drinks, drinks . Martell, Hennessy, champagne and shots . We were drinking Martell with green tea, Hennessy with champagne . How scotching .

Me, KJ and Michelle .

Another Michelle and me . She's ten years older than me and still lookin hot .

See how they dance in front of me to make me dance . Lol .

The guys there took picture with me so that when Terence saw this, my clubbing days are over . So dear dear, when you see this, it's their prank okay ?

So much for trying to keep myself occupied when you're not around . I realized i can't stay at home because i'll think of all kinds of nonsensic stuffs, legal or illegal .

But when i stepped outta house, christmas lights are all over . Neither way i could go, club is still indeed the best for me to have a better time . I beg you, to stop thinking that i'll run away, because i promise i wouldn't . You already got my heart, you were standing outside, now you're inside, in the middle, seated in the one and only golden chair with the keys to every part of me . You're my master .

Today is the 24th November 2009 . Days are getting more and more useless as i attend school without the heart to learn . Nothing sounds meaningful anymore . Nothing sounds rewarding . Nothing gets too fun to be done . Nothing urge me to try .

It's just nothing .

But i know i have to move on with life .

I'm so sian . Anyone has part-time job to introduce ?

Today is the 18th November 2009 .

I'm home now, had driving lessons this noon and so far i'm still fine for most of the parts except for the up slope part . Tomorrow is the day where results will show if i'm qualified to be a driver, even though it's still 23 hours away, i'm so tense up . I don't wish to fail, neither do i wanna fail . Throwing hard earned money for driving sure makes my heart pain, and i hope for the day where i can drive my family out for shopping . . . like how we used to when we were young kids .

So, may god be with me tomorrow . =)

It's the second week . . though i'm adapting to the public transport better, my heart still long to join you in Brunei . Those time at home, weekends at work, it's challenging to survive, especially after a long day at work and my love is so far away from me .

Despite the fact, and things we have to do for a better future, life goes on like normal days . So, i'll just have to stay strong, and so do you, my love .

Shirley said i haven't been myself lately . . i wonder how ? Perhaps i've been quieter, doesn't smile much or something . At home, i know i have, at least, only in front of my younger sister . I'm always complaining and using the same word to her - sian .

So long for you being at Brunei .

Worked last weekend, and a couple of things happened . A little caucasian girl, 5 years old, was very playful and naughty . She happened to have a feather of the macaw's, and came to me with it, trying to tickle me in the face . Well, being a guide, i have to entertain her, so i just laughed a bit . She doesn't seem satisfied with my reaction as to why i didn't feel tickled and had big laughter reaction, so she pushed her hand with the feather into my shirt and bra . So yeah, she touched my breast, so i pulled her hand out quickly and said that's rude, of course, with a smile on my face . And she ran to Mommy, i think she was satisfied with my reaction then .

Then came my colleague with a scorpion in his hands, he was playing with it . I haven't learnt to catch a scorpion yet, so i just smiled at him . We just did our job, for your information, i always have to catch giant millipedes longer than 15cm and 3-horn rhino beetle big as an adult's palm for tourist to snap pictures and see . Late in the afternoon, my colleague place the scorpion on the left bottom of his shirt and walked around . Another little girl saw and told her mom, her mom replied ''oh it's just a walkie-talkie'', and my colleague, being a sadist, haha, picked up and scorpion and placed it in his hands towards the mommy . The mommy, looking at the other exhibit, turned her head and screamed when she saw the scorpion . LOL !

Yeah, finally had a little laugh .

Had a nightmare last night . I dreamt of an accident, a huge lorry ran over many people, and corpses were all over, some with flat torso, others with head and legs apart . It was totally gross, but i was just a passerby in the car, feeling pity for all the victims . How i wish you were here to hug me to sleep .

Good luck to me for tomorrow .

This is for my husband .

总是相信有更好的,

会在前方,

就不顾一切的飘洋过海去,

用尽一生寻找

倦了累了渴望拥抱,

却找不到,

才忽然想起你还在我身后,

静静等着我,给我依靠

你是我的幸福吗?

为何幸福让人如此忧郁,

爱情渐渐模糊,

你的付出,

我总不够清楚,

你是我的幸福吗?

为何幸福让人变得忧郁,

爱上你不再怀疑,

只想对你说,我愿意..

总是相信有更好的,

会在前方,就不顾一切的飘洋过海去,

用尽一生寻找

倦了累了渴望拥抱,

却找不到,

才忽然想起你还在我身后,

静静等着我,给我依靠

你是我的幸福吗?

为何幸福让人如此忧郁,

爱情渐渐模糊,

你的付出,

我总不够清楚,

你是我的幸福吗?

为何幸福让人变得忧郁,

爱上你不再怀疑,

只想对你说,我愿意..

你是我的幸福吗?

为何幸福让人如此忧郁,

爱情渐渐模糊,

你的付出,

我总不够清楚,

你是我的幸福吗?

为何幸福让人变得忧郁,

爱上你不再怀疑,

只想对你说,我愿意

Today is the 16th November 2009 . Another week passed by, and there're still lots more to go before you come back .

My thighs muscle hurts from Saturday's dancing in those 5" heels, but despite the fact, i still went for driving lessons . Went in circuit and a whole group of cars were on test . One after another passed by me, one driving good, the other not as well, the one behind had the tester pointing here and there . Am i gonna do it well ?

I have not a single idea .

Everything was okay, parking was good, "s'' course was fine, so was directional change . But the car rolled back when i was at the up slope . It was totally disappointing . I thought i've conquered that part long ago but i was wrong .

Just hope everything goes well on Thursday . Wish me luck .

I just need a best friend who can hang out with me during weekends till dawn .

Today is the 11th November 2009 . I skipped school today, for driving lesson, and i'm not at your house to collect your unread letters and deposit your cash coins .

This is my first attempt arriving at your house with a purpose but without you in the purpose, if anyone actually know what i meant .

I saw your bed, i thought of you, and the times we slept together on top of the double decker bed, squeeze and hugged while we slept on the single sized mattress . Coming to your house is almost a torture, thinking of the fact that you're only away for a few days, and there's months more to go .

I really miss you .

Time to get going now, before this place makes me even sadder .

Today is the 9th November 2009 . Driving was better today, but not because you weren't around .

Over-slept and went late for class today, and i remembered how you managed to pull me outta sleep everyday last week for me to get to school on time . I went on board the bus that i haven't been taking all this while because you were driving me around every single day . I sat down and can't help but feel the absence of you . Of course, shed a bit of tears .

I was late for class for almost 45 minutes, but i couldn't care much . Went in, sat down, took out my notes and started staring on the screen with nothing on my mind . Well, not nothing actually, at least i was thinking about you .

Tutorial ended, and lecture continued the day . I knew i wasn't listening, just copying blankly and keeping my notes earlier than the rest . Lecture ended and i went straight home . No lunch with the cliques, no shopping with them either . I admit, i was in no mood for almost anything .

Back home, i put my things down, logged in your Facebook and updated your games, coz i know you haven't the time to keep it updated . I kept those notifications untouched because i want you to see them yourself, and know about what happen . I'm only in charge of your games now . Everything done, i realized you text me about your new cellphone number, so i turn my cellphone sound on so when you call, i'll know .

Took a nap and went for driving lessons . On board the train, you called, i was so happy . Happy to hear your voice, though it's much expensive to do so . We chatted for a while, and you had your evening jogging as you told me .

Lesson ended, and i recalled how you would buy food and drinks for me, and wait for me to finish my driving lessons while you stayed in your car with those goodies .

2 days felt like 4, i wonder how am i suppose to survive another 94 days . It's like another half a year to meet you .

How's first day at work ? Did you slept well last night ? Was breakfast there nice ? Is your commander demanding ? Room mate a nice chap ? Did you have headache ? Brought your panadols with you ? How's your swelling face doing ? Is the new bought boots comfortable ? Left knee pain acted up again ? Did you miss me . . . ?

I'm missing you like you've been there for 10 years .

I must earn more, so that i could have the cash to pay for phone lines and talk to you . I must .

I slept with your blanket and your tee shirt last night, even so, it's hard to fall asleep . And i will do so every night .

Today is the 8th November 2009 . . .

Dear dear left for Brunei work posting this morning . Before he left, we went to KTV with his friends on Friday night . Saturday, we wentta Beach Road to get his No. 3 pants and had goreng pisang together . Then wentta meet Koh Jin for his favourite bah chor mee at Bedok .

This morning, his uncle came to drive us to the airport . And he left for his 0905hrs flight and asked his buddy to send me home . I didn't cry . . . in front of him, because i know he doesn't wanna go too, not that he had a choice .

I came home, washed my face and head to bed . Initially i thought that i really wasn't tired because my mind was fulla him . But i laid down anyway, a pillow and two blankets - one mine and the other his . And i cried to sleep .

Funny thing is . . . i don't feel excited at all . I thought i'd be, for finally there'll be time for me to go clubbing, as and when i like . But i realized i'd rather go to Brunei with him and suffer, than to stay here without him and have fun .

I felt so empty . With him around, everyday is a pleasant day . Right now, every place is a memory . And everything i do is so weird, like something is not right .

One year starts today, and there's 96 more days to Valentine's day and Chinese New Year .

Dear dear, i'm missing you since the moment you stepped into the transit area .

Today is the 2nd Nov 2009 . Second post for the day .

These few months hasn't been too good for me . Or is it that i've expected too much from life ?

Wentta watch Sisters Keeper with the clique the other day, it was heart piercing . It reminded me totally about my uncle's death . Every single bit of it, and i cried in the cinema like some fool 5 or 6 times in a row .

How many times exactly do we have to see or watch tragedy in front of us before we know how to take good care and cherish life ? 100 times ? 1000 over ? Or never ever until we die ? Maybe some wouldn't even come to cherish when they die .

I know in time to come sooner or later someone around me, someone i love will join my uncle in heaven . Facing this reality, i try to remember everything every happenings i experience right now . To the least, i know i'll feel better when the time comes .

So tell me, you see your love ones killing themselves with cigarette toxics and let them be ?

I won't, it's either they quit or i'll join them . Trust me, i will . And read my lips, the amount you smoke is the amount i am gonna smoke equally to, nothing less only more .

Lastly, know this : In my world, lying brings every single thing to the end, traditionally and legally .

I smoke it in another way and you know it . If i have to be in jail for you to know, go on .

Today is the 2nd November 2009 . Just got back from Genting Highlands last night, and i should do my rating for this ''holiday'' . Score : 1/10 . I don't mind staying in the cheapest hotel at all, but entertainment wise, it's nothing, really nothing . The only thing nice and not great is the massage part, expensive enough to make me rate this 1 outta 10 . Casino . . i entered once with no choice . Theme park, heart attacked . Nothing interesting really, i guess there wouldn't be a second time .

Maybe i'll go Sydney with my friends .

Or i'll stay in Singapore and rot forever .

Today is the 23rd October 2009 . First week of school flashed by, well it's not too bad after all, maybe because i'm back with my favorite friends ?

The last lesson ends off with my GEMS elective - Non verbal communication, the Body Language . Well, for a start, it's pretty interesting, though it's old ice breaking games something like that . Self introducing soon starts, everyone gets a chance to say something interesting about themselves . As the class gets open up, most of us eventually cheer when someone admits he likes drinking beer . Cool isn't it ? I mean instead of back at our side everyone is interested in the same old thing . Maybe i was too desperate about knowing more clubbing kakis, but seriously, i need some assurance that i'm not a bad egg in the entire nest .

Communication Skills for Business ( CSB ) wasn't too bad, except for the slang the tutor has is sometimes annoying . Did she mention she was from another country ?

Anyway, this semester should past in speed, since every module is so happening . Okay, at least more happening than the last .

Preparing to go Double O soon, au voir ~ !

Today is the 18th October 2009 .

Felt so demoralized today, after a month of skipping my driving lessons, i finally had my lesson this morning . Forgot how to park, down gear too late, store the car in the middle of the road . Sometimes i feel that i don't have enough rights to be a car fan . How do you like something so much when in the first place can't operate the simple functions of it ?

But anyway, school is starting tomorrow, and tonight at Zouk, it's Paul van Dyke on the floor .

How i wish i could get high . . . like how Shirley did .

I hate money .

Today is the 15th October 2009 . Off work today again because i gotta settle my GEMS thingy . Really hate it because i have to go class alone and do everything alone, but i guess it's whatever since it's the last GEMS i gotta take .

Then again, i did enjoy today though it's no money day because i didn't went to work . Slept, woke up, ate, use my laptop, slept, woke up, ate, went out to buy groceries and came home and made my own sushi . =)

Was listening to Dangerous by Akon . . and recalled about how promiscuous i used to be . I was totally fitting to what he sang then, but i got sick of stupid men and so on .

School's starting next week, and yeah, everything starts all over again .

Shall blog again, ciao .

Today is the 14th October 2009 . Lotsa photos from my wedding to be uploaded but i already did that in FaceBook, so yeah, you guys could go check it all there . Here are just some from my phone uploads .

Gifts from Fan and Yu Xian . =)

Thank you to all my friends who take their time off to attend despite their work commitments, i really appreciate it .

Wentta Bali, was alright there . Nothing much actually, just nice villas, some kampong place and a normal looking beach . Perhaps we should be in another part of Bali, where the nice beach is, but ah, it's over . I'll rate Bali 3/10 . Bali . . . a.k.a. cheater town . Zzz .

Came back, started work at Sentosa this week, and it was tiring . Maybe i haven't been working, that's why, but i have to work on, because i need this cash, pretty much .

So been working and nothing great happened lately, wentta Double O last weekend . Not too bad, except for the music, cause it's retro . Drank another new cocktail - Jager bomb . =) . Ten of those lined up nice .

One more time before the school starts ?

=)

Today is the 11th October 2009 .

I am very bored right now, sitting in a room, not in my house, and trying to kill time while he's playing killer mahjong .

Sounds of the tiles is very annoying . The very word mahjong angers me .

I hate this .

Don't ask me why i dislike mahjong, it's just something that i hate . And to make things the worse, he's having fun, while me, at his place can't do what i wanna do because this is not my home, alone in the room, facing a computer which doesn't interest me .

So . . . what the fuck am i suppose to do ?

I hate mahjong, it is indeed :

- noisy

- waste of money

- addictive

Stupid .

Today is the 9th October 2009 . . been long since i last posted .

For this period, i got married, went for my honeymoon, and came back . Right now, it's just my time to work and accompany my husband before he flies off to Brunei for overseas work lasting one full year .

Wentta Bedok for bah chor mee that night but it was closed for renovation, haha, so we went NTUC instead and grabbed some chips home for supper . I know, it's super fattening, but we were hungry . No bah chor mee, so two days after, we went katong for laksa, haha, what a nice brunch i had that day . I recalled i was so full i almost puked . Then on the same day, i got my nails done and at night, we had punggol nasi lemak .

Just in case you thing i'm turning into some food craving monster or something, i am not . Wait, maybe just a little . This is what happens, when you got to know someone who really eats out and know where nice and famous food are . Worse case scenario, you hang out with this person . . almost every single day .

So . . . alakazam, the once skinny dippy girl who skips eating one whole day is now eating everyday and eating some of the most nicest and famous food in town .

Just had my mom's pork chop . =)

Alright, gon go now, i will be back .

Today is the 24th September 2009 . . . alright, it should be 23rd but it's past midnight .

Got my results today, and yeah, i've got it all passed . Here it is : -

Industrial Training Programme = B+

Auditing ( Part II ) = C+

Taxation ( Repeat Module ) = D

Company Law = D

Cost Accounting ( Repeat Module ) = D+

Global Business Environment = D+

Financial Accounting ( Repeat Module ) = D-

Corporate Finance = D-

To me, those scores are well enough, as long as there as no more failures .

Gonna turn in now . May everyone sleep with sweet dreams . =)

Today is the 16th September 2009 .

Well, ten more days to being married . Pretty excited .

Fiancé's on half day leave today, wentta HDB together and signed the lease agreement, so the flat's estimated completion date is January 2013, with expectation that it will be earlier by up to a year .

Then went home for a rest and some food, and i was off to meet Khng while he goes back to work . We went to Nokia Care Centre and i got my GPS map installed . So now i know where i am and where to go . Hopefully i won't get lost anymore . =)

Can't believe i've been rotting for two weeks . Think . . . i might have to work for a low pay job . Sigh . Wentta Bugis Village that day with dear dear and saw a nice pair of heels, not the real tall and skinny stand kind, it's somewhat country style kinda heels . Then by pass some clothes shop, wanna get clothes, but thinking that i haven't got any money, i just walked off .

I wanna get so much things, but i'm broke . To the maximum . But i'm happy at least, that i have what i had and what i am having . Those are just wants, not a need yet, though i think it eventually will become, haha .

Alright, off to online movies now . Au voir .

Today is the 15th September 2009 . Dear dear just called, said his overseas posting will have him leave for Brunei in early November .

Yeah, so i'm left with less than two months .

Mixed feelings, to be honest . But it seems like that's a choice for the better .

That's why, i always hate reality, no doubt, always .

As our date draws nearer, my nervous feeling never fails to increase .

Someone . . . feel me with life please ?

Today is the 11th September 2009 . Just wanna say my heart still goes out to all the people affected by the September 11th's huge incident . So yeah, just to remember that .

Then, umm, not really in the mood to blog much about Shirley's birthday celebration right now, because well, something just made me feel very lifeless . I brought this upon myself, so i'm gonna take it .

You know, sometimes, when you write in your diary, you have so many happy stuffs that you just wanna share with your friends, yeah . That's why i got this online diary, but there're also times when some bad things happen and you wanna say it out, off your chest and you can't because it's too private .

Written diary is still the best .

My lower back hurts from every move i make, i'm not sure if it's from the one and only hour of bowling on Wednesday, or what . Perhaps i'm already carrying a stone in my kidney because my mom has the history . And it's just very disturbing, because i feel it every now and then . My left eye got a germ attack from contact lens and the whole night my left eye was tearing non stop . Couldn't even get to sleep proper because i kept on waking up .

Looks like someone wants the leopard to change its spots . And so the leopard tried to cut off her skin so the spots clear .

Sick of life .

Today is the 7th September 2009 . Just last week, my so called god-granny past away . It never really occur much impact on me about her death until the day i went to the funeral on Saturday night . I stood beside the coffin and held my tears very well, until Mom asked me if i felt anything .

Yeah . . . i felt as if my uncle's funeral was just yesterday . And memories flooded back again . People kept on saying, cherish while it's still there, don't regret when it's gone . Heard it before and i heard it many times . I went to check the dictionary what cherish really means, and it is defined to protect and love . I was hoping someone could tell me how do i cherish one .

I wish god-granny all the best in the other world .

When shit comes, they come all together .

At first, i thought he was at fault . Then what she did was too much, and now, she is at fault . And he . . . i pity . For she is doing something that destroys this happy ending .

You can call me anytime you want, talk all you want, coz i will listen to you cry . No worries about me losing sleep, coz i'm more worried about you losing yourself . If i were you, i will try and end it early, whatever the result is . Solve, don't hide, even if solving is by your greatest fear, do it .

I wish you all the best, really do .